...as Taught by Sis. Cindy On the College Campuses of America
-I have been paid by the Sexual Disorder Awareness Society to come here today and preach the Condom Gospel.
The Condom Gospel is defined as follows: You may have sex with whomever, whenever and however as long you have the little rubber on the proper organ.
-All of you heard the condom gospel at freshman orientation...some of you became true believers immediately...
-Some of you are only half-hearted believers--you carry your condoms in your wallets, backpacks or purses but you never use them. (I am here to turn those of you who are weak in the faith into true believers.)
Become a true believer--use your condom today!
-Some of you that were once true believers have backslider from the faith. I am here to remind you of your first love and bring you back into the fold.
Is everyone listening?
The Condom Gospel goes like this: you may have sex with whomever, whenever and
however as long you have the little rubber on the private part.
I see doubt in some of your eyes! If you are having trouble believing the Condom Gospel, I have three self help suggestions for you. These are the three self-helps to believing the Condom Gospel:
1)Become real horny! Get your brains into your testicles and vaginas. Most porn addicts are true believers in the Condom Gospel.
2)Have blind faith...lots of it! Never read any scientific studies or medical reports concerning STIs. Don't listen to so-called facts about STIs. (Don't ever listen to the campus preachers.)
You must be a feeler rather than a thinker!
You're philosophy should be, "if it feels good...do it."
Know that momentary organisms are of infinite value--so much so that you are willing to exchange your health for the pleasure of a momentary ejaculation.
3)Take an attitude-- "I'm invincible--with condom in hand, I can do anything. I can defy the odds."
One in four people your age have an STD--"but it won't happen to me. Over 15 million a year are infected, 21,000 a day...but I will not become one of them...because I am a true believer in the Condom Gospel."
One final thought...should your earthly condom fail you and you end up with HIV which turns into AIDS and you die...no problem...as long as you were a true believer, when you die you go to the Big Condom in the Sky!
I hope this helps everyone.
I Cor. 6:18
Acts 15:20,29 21:25
I Cor 7:1-3